My visit to my oncologist this a.m. has gone extremely well. She is very supportive of the Texas options and we have agreed on the following plan:
1) CT scan to be scheduled the week of Feb. 8, following second chemo Jan. 25
2) CT scan should be read by Feb. 12
3) Third chemo is scheduled for Feb. 16; this will be the decision day, as I will have an exam first. We will either proceed with the third chemo because it is working or stop because it is not and begin planning with Dallas to see when I could go there for screening to see if I qualify for their clinical trial.
She also told us about another group of trial drugs, called PARP-1 inhibitors. There is a clinical trial for that just starting in Bethesda, Maryland but since I have already started treatment with carboplatinum, I am not eligible for it. However, she said that more trials would be set up in the future and that I might be eligible for one of those. Now that she knows we will travel for treatment, she can again offer more options. If I don't need to go to Dallas this time, it may also be an option for future treatments, since you have to keep changing the 'attack drug' - cancer cells adapt very quickly apparently and become resistant, once they have been 'chemoed' with a drug.
So - lungs 'sound good' again, metatases are very small, detection was early, I feel great, God is good. We are quite relieved, and don't have to go back to Windsor until Monday !
David's eye is getting better by the day although it is still quite pink. His cataract surgery was Jan. 13, a week ago today. He also had the silicone oil removed from his eye and the combination of new lens and clearer fluid has resulted in much better vision. He is seeing improvement daily although that black space in the centre from the tiny cyst is still there. He can adapt by moving the centre of his vision around, to see what he is missing.
Thank you again for all the prayers offered on our behalf.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A Prayer of Faith
This past fall, I was asked to compose a 'prayer of faith' as part of a study book on the Book of Hebrews for our church. It was due by Sept. 13. On that morning, (I had been thinking about it for several days but had nothing on paper), I wrote this on my daughter's computer in Kitchener and e-mailed it to the person in Chatham who had asked for it. I thought I was almost all done with my cancer treatments at that point - my last Avastin dose was to be Sept. 16. However, time has proved otherwise and this prayer has been a comfort and a reminder. So often, in this cancer experience, God has provided for me before I knew what I needed. I publish it here in hopes that it may also be a help to someone else.
A Prayer of Faith :
O God !
Have mercy, I pray !
Deliver me from the onslaught of these fears -
These dark imaginings,
These dreadful possibilities that are only that -
Possibilities - NOT facts.
They roll over me like the waves of the sea, And fill me with despair.
Help me to realize that the voice that whispers them in my mind
Is neither mine - nor yours.
Help me instead to turn my thoughts to You -
To remember Your precious promises
Given so often and so clearly in Your Word -
To comfort and sustain,
To defend and protect,
To fight for those who put their trust in You.
Help me to go over them, Lord,
The ones You have given me,
Word by word,
Promise by promise,
Step by faltering step,
Until I reach Your peace -
Until I am enfolded by the Comforter -
Until I am safe in the light of Your love -
And I can truly speak the prayer
That never fails - "Thy will be done."
Thank you, O Lord, my God,
For Your sustaining love and grace.
Amen.
A Prayer of Faith :
O God !
Have mercy, I pray !
Deliver me from the onslaught of these fears -
These dark imaginings,
These dreadful possibilities that are only that -
Possibilities - NOT facts.
They roll over me like the waves of the sea, And fill me with despair.
Help me to realize that the voice that whispers them in my mind
Is neither mine - nor yours.
Help me instead to turn my thoughts to You -
To remember Your precious promises
Given so often and so clearly in Your Word -
To comfort and sustain,
To defend and protect,
To fight for those who put their trust in You.
Help me to go over them, Lord,
The ones You have given me,
Word by word,
Promise by promise,
Step by faltering step,
Until I reach Your peace -
Until I am enfolded by the Comforter -
Until I am safe in the light of Your love -
And I can truly speak the prayer
That never fails - "Thy will be done."
Thank you, O Lord, my God,
For Your sustaining love and grace.
Amen.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Long-promised Update Jan.6, 2010
Greetings to all !
I had said in my last entry that I would return in September, when I finished my Avastin treatments, to let you know how things were going. Well, things were going so well in September, October and November that I just didn’t get back to it. In October, we became grandparents again, as our son and daughter-in-law in Texas became proud parents of their second daughter. However, she arrived 8 weeks early and was the Big News for several weeks. She is now doing very well. I was able to spend a week there in November and enjoyed myself immensely. So those months were full and happy and I was feeling great. Family plans for Christmas were to rent a house in Austin and spend two weeks there, with various children coming and going as they were able. We were able to get a 5-bedroom, 3,000 sq. ft. place through my son’s business and it was looking good.
However, cancer never sleeps, you know and there was other stuff happening. I think I will give you a time-line here, so that you can see how events unfolded.
Sept. 16 – finished Avastin treatments
Sept. 24 (or so ) – had an unscheduled CT scan, chest and abdomen, because of a persistent ache in my right side. (Breast cancer can spread to lungs, liver, brain and bones – still treated as breast cancer). Abdomen was clear, but chest showed particulates in lungs; follow-up CT scan booked for Nov. 23
Oct. 1 – went to Seattle to see son and fiancée for a week’s visit
Oct. 14 – 4-week check-up after finishing Avastin; next check-up booked for Jan. 12
Oct. 20 – new granddaughter, Emmy, arrives, 8 weeks early
* Somewhere in here I joined the Active Lifestyle Centre and started taking line-dancing lessons
Nov. 14 – flew to Austin for ‘grandma week’
Nov. 23 – follow-up CT scan (Nov. 25 – gastroscopy for unhappy tummy)
Dec. 9 – call from my oncologist to book unscheduled visit Dec. 14 – not a good sign
- Texas baby comes home after 50 days in the NICU
Dec. 14 – devastating visit – bad news – cancer has spread to both lungs – I have to have more chemo and soon – would have me in right away if I wasn’t going to Texas – will start Jan. 4. This was one of the most surreal experiences of my life – I literally thought she had the wrong person for a minute, but the look on her face told me otherwise. We went home in shock – how could this possibly be true ? Very bad night – made worse for my children and extended family because I confused the terms ‘non-curable’ and ‘palliative’ – thought they were the same, but my sister corrected me. ‘Non-curable’ = chronic, with lots of treatment options (which is where I am!) but ‘palliative’ = nothing more can be done. I had to really hang on tight to God.
Dec. 15 – gastroscopy result = chronic gastritis = new meds = better
Dec. 16 – Christmas Assembly at my former school – I had the wonderful experience of leading the Christmas carols at the end – a real pick-me-up. However, pretty hard not to say something to dear friends there, but we had decided to let it rest until after Christmas and deal with it then. Some of them could ‘read’ me though and knew something was wrong. My news is also on the church prayer chain and will be in the bulletin on Sunday, so the word will get out. I want to be the one to let people know in quite a few cases – timing, timing !
Dec. 17 – Annual Christmas dinner with my teaching buds of a group that has been together 12+ years – after consultation, I decided to send them an e-mail Wed. night so that they knew but I didn’t have to tell them face-to-face. We had a few hugs and tears and then had a wonderful evening together, as always.
Dec. 18 – here’s where it gets interesting ! My Texas son called to ask if I would consider seeing doctors in there during our holiday. I agreed as long as it didn’t create any conflict with my wonderful oncologist here. We agreed that he would try to get an appointment with a nutrition PhD who specializes in treating cancer patients. When he called, he was told it would probably be a 6-week wait, and for a phone consultation, but to leave his name in case of a cancellation. 2 hours later, we had an office appointment Tuesday morning at 9:30 – we were arriving Monday night. (I found out later that my daughter-in-law’s sister had an appointment Wed. which she would have given me if nothing else worked out.) So – the first amazing thing was set up.
Dec. 19 – lovely dinner with a school friend who ‘read’ me Dec. 16- told the whole story and then had a nice evening together.
Dec. 20, 21 – Christmas Sunday – first public prayer for my health again – tears – so thankful for my church family. Also travel to Detroit that night and then flight to Austin Monday. Rental house is terrific ! Five of us there by that night – big reunion with Texas crew. First visit for everyone except me with new baby.
Dec. 22 – appointment with nutrition PhD. This was an amazing experience in so many ways. I brought my medical information with me to the appointment, including a page on my Canadian oncologist, for background info. On the page facing that, I had a copy of a page of scripture, 2 Samuel 22: 1 – 7, 17 – 22, that I had typed out for another friend who had dealt with cancer 7 –8 years ago – seemed timely for me now. As I put the binder up on the Dr.’s desk, he spotted the scripture and read it and then said to me – “OK – from now on, whenever you see your doctors, I want you to pray the prayer of Jeremiah 33:3 for them.” That established an immediate spiritual connection for me – I felt so clearly that God had brought me to this man and that I was in the right place. He went on to give me two things: A list of nutritional guidelines to follow as I battle this disease and a referral to the Mary Crowley Cancer Research Center in Dallas. I could hardly believe my ears – what was a little Canuck doing at a research center in Dallas ?? My daughter and my Texas son were with me and took copious notes at this appointment.
Dec. 24 – we have an appointment in Dallas Dec. 30 ! God at work again – through the people that He has made available to me, including my Texas son who wants this to happen, big time.
Dec. 26 – the one day that we are all together at the rental house – able to have a huge Christmas dinner for 12 and a wonderful time. My sister didn’t make it ‘til midnight, due to weather problems on the east coast, but we counted her and she had turkey before she went to bed !
Dec. 27, 29 – various family members leave, sadly – we’ve had a great time together.
Dec. 30 – 4 of us (David and I, my sister and our Texas son) drive to Dallas to my appointment – 453 mi. round-trip. We have an hour’s consultation there and I am offered the chance to return for screening into another clinical trial for a phase 2 drug if my scheduled chemo here in Windsor does not prove effective against the cancer. There are another couple of options as well. We leave with a 21-page consent form for informational purposes ! Lots of technical reading ! I am amazed all over again at the doors that God is opening for me. Because it is a privately-funded hospital, and a clinical trial, there would be very few actual expenses for me, if I need to go this route. We went out to a steak restaurant for lunch to celebrate ! I had a buffalo filet – excellent – try it if you get the chance.
Jan. 2 – packed up and flew back to cold weather – but bringing a big load of hope as well! God is busy for me !
Jan. 4 – first chemo in Windsor (carbo-platinum, if you’re interested ). I also took my oncologist a packet of all the info I had received in Texas, plus a cover letter asking for time to talk about this. She’s incredibly busy right now, so time will tell.
Jan. 6 – going to London today with David for his pre-op appointment for his cataract surgery next week, Jan. 13 – hoping that this will brighten up his vision considerably, as it has been quite discouraging for him.
So – there you are! Up to date again! I can’t really tell you how much hope I came back with from Texas – such a confirmation that God is still in this with me and it helps so much to keep positive and focused on doing everything I can to battle this disease. I know that this will be a shock for some of you and please understand that if I saw you that week of Dec. 14 and didn’t say anything, it was because I just couldn’t then. And now that I can tell you all the wonderful things that happened in Texas, it is a much happier story, anyhow ! What if I hadn’t had that CT scan back in September ? I wouldn’t be seeing my oncologist until Jan. 12 !!!
Call me if you want – I can talk about it much better now. Thank you for your ongoing concern and prayers.
I’ll keep my blog up to date now and the story unfolds.
I had said in my last entry that I would return in September, when I finished my Avastin treatments, to let you know how things were going. Well, things were going so well in September, October and November that I just didn’t get back to it. In October, we became grandparents again, as our son and daughter-in-law in Texas became proud parents of their second daughter. However, she arrived 8 weeks early and was the Big News for several weeks. She is now doing very well. I was able to spend a week there in November and enjoyed myself immensely. So those months were full and happy and I was feeling great. Family plans for Christmas were to rent a house in Austin and spend two weeks there, with various children coming and going as they were able. We were able to get a 5-bedroom, 3,000 sq. ft. place through my son’s business and it was looking good.
However, cancer never sleeps, you know and there was other stuff happening. I think I will give you a time-line here, so that you can see how events unfolded.
Sept. 16 – finished Avastin treatments
Sept. 24 (or so ) – had an unscheduled CT scan, chest and abdomen, because of a persistent ache in my right side. (Breast cancer can spread to lungs, liver, brain and bones – still treated as breast cancer). Abdomen was clear, but chest showed particulates in lungs; follow-up CT scan booked for Nov. 23
Oct. 1 – went to Seattle to see son and fiancée for a week’s visit
Oct. 14 – 4-week check-up after finishing Avastin; next check-up booked for Jan. 12
Oct. 20 – new granddaughter, Emmy, arrives, 8 weeks early
* Somewhere in here I joined the Active Lifestyle Centre and started taking line-dancing lessons
Nov. 14 – flew to Austin for ‘grandma week’
Nov. 23 – follow-up CT scan (Nov. 25 – gastroscopy for unhappy tummy)
Dec. 9 – call from my oncologist to book unscheduled visit Dec. 14 – not a good sign
- Texas baby comes home after 50 days in the NICU
Dec. 14 – devastating visit – bad news – cancer has spread to both lungs – I have to have more chemo and soon – would have me in right away if I wasn’t going to Texas – will start Jan. 4. This was one of the most surreal experiences of my life – I literally thought she had the wrong person for a minute, but the look on her face told me otherwise. We went home in shock – how could this possibly be true ? Very bad night – made worse for my children and extended family because I confused the terms ‘non-curable’ and ‘palliative’ – thought they were the same, but my sister corrected me. ‘Non-curable’ = chronic, with lots of treatment options (which is where I am!) but ‘palliative’ = nothing more can be done. I had to really hang on tight to God.
Dec. 15 – gastroscopy result = chronic gastritis = new meds = better
Dec. 16 – Christmas Assembly at my former school – I had the wonderful experience of leading the Christmas carols at the end – a real pick-me-up. However, pretty hard not to say something to dear friends there, but we had decided to let it rest until after Christmas and deal with it then. Some of them could ‘read’ me though and knew something was wrong. My news is also on the church prayer chain and will be in the bulletin on Sunday, so the word will get out. I want to be the one to let people know in quite a few cases – timing, timing !
Dec. 17 – Annual Christmas dinner with my teaching buds of a group that has been together 12+ years – after consultation, I decided to send them an e-mail Wed. night so that they knew but I didn’t have to tell them face-to-face. We had a few hugs and tears and then had a wonderful evening together, as always.
Dec. 18 – here’s where it gets interesting ! My Texas son called to ask if I would consider seeing doctors in there during our holiday. I agreed as long as it didn’t create any conflict with my wonderful oncologist here. We agreed that he would try to get an appointment with a nutrition PhD who specializes in treating cancer patients. When he called, he was told it would probably be a 6-week wait, and for a phone consultation, but to leave his name in case of a cancellation. 2 hours later, we had an office appointment Tuesday morning at 9:30 – we were arriving Monday night. (I found out later that my daughter-in-law’s sister had an appointment Wed. which she would have given me if nothing else worked out.) So – the first amazing thing was set up.
Dec. 19 – lovely dinner with a school friend who ‘read’ me Dec. 16- told the whole story and then had a nice evening together.
Dec. 20, 21 – Christmas Sunday – first public prayer for my health again – tears – so thankful for my church family. Also travel to Detroit that night and then flight to Austin Monday. Rental house is terrific ! Five of us there by that night – big reunion with Texas crew. First visit for everyone except me with new baby.
Dec. 22 – appointment with nutrition PhD. This was an amazing experience in so many ways. I brought my medical information with me to the appointment, including a page on my Canadian oncologist, for background info. On the page facing that, I had a copy of a page of scripture, 2 Samuel 22: 1 – 7, 17 – 22, that I had typed out for another friend who had dealt with cancer 7 –8 years ago – seemed timely for me now. As I put the binder up on the Dr.’s desk, he spotted the scripture and read it and then said to me – “OK – from now on, whenever you see your doctors, I want you to pray the prayer of Jeremiah 33:3 for them.” That established an immediate spiritual connection for me – I felt so clearly that God had brought me to this man and that I was in the right place. He went on to give me two things: A list of nutritional guidelines to follow as I battle this disease and a referral to the Mary Crowley Cancer Research Center in Dallas. I could hardly believe my ears – what was a little Canuck doing at a research center in Dallas ?? My daughter and my Texas son were with me and took copious notes at this appointment.
Dec. 24 – we have an appointment in Dallas Dec. 30 ! God at work again – through the people that He has made available to me, including my Texas son who wants this to happen, big time.
Dec. 26 – the one day that we are all together at the rental house – able to have a huge Christmas dinner for 12 and a wonderful time. My sister didn’t make it ‘til midnight, due to weather problems on the east coast, but we counted her and she had turkey before she went to bed !
Dec. 27, 29 – various family members leave, sadly – we’ve had a great time together.
Dec. 30 – 4 of us (David and I, my sister and our Texas son) drive to Dallas to my appointment – 453 mi. round-trip. We have an hour’s consultation there and I am offered the chance to return for screening into another clinical trial for a phase 2 drug if my scheduled chemo here in Windsor does not prove effective against the cancer. There are another couple of options as well. We leave with a 21-page consent form for informational purposes ! Lots of technical reading ! I am amazed all over again at the doors that God is opening for me. Because it is a privately-funded hospital, and a clinical trial, there would be very few actual expenses for me, if I need to go this route. We went out to a steak restaurant for lunch to celebrate ! I had a buffalo filet – excellent – try it if you get the chance.
Jan. 2 – packed up and flew back to cold weather – but bringing a big load of hope as well! God is busy for me !
Jan. 4 – first chemo in Windsor (carbo-platinum, if you’re interested ). I also took my oncologist a packet of all the info I had received in Texas, plus a cover letter asking for time to talk about this. She’s incredibly busy right now, so time will tell.
Jan. 6 – going to London today with David for his pre-op appointment for his cataract surgery next week, Jan. 13 – hoping that this will brighten up his vision considerably, as it has been quite discouraging for him.
So – there you are! Up to date again! I can’t really tell you how much hope I came back with from Texas – such a confirmation that God is still in this with me and it helps so much to keep positive and focused on doing everything I can to battle this disease. I know that this will be a shock for some of you and please understand that if I saw you that week of Dec. 14 and didn’t say anything, it was because I just couldn’t then. And now that I can tell you all the wonderful things that happened in Texas, it is a much happier story, anyhow ! What if I hadn’t had that CT scan back in September ? I wouldn’t be seeing my oncologist until Jan. 12 !!!
Call me if you want – I can talk about it much better now. Thank you for your ongoing concern and prayers.
I’ll keep my blog up to date now and the story unfolds.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)