This is David again. In the previous posting to Helen’s blog, I said it would be the last entry. It turns out I grossly underestimated the outpouring of love by so many people and I need to make at least one more entry.
I was overwhelmed by the people who visited at the funeral home Friday and the number who attended her funeral on Saturday. We had planned visitation Friday for the time periods of 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM and then from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM. Visitation started as planned at 3:00, and continued until 10 minutes to 7:00 when I was able to grab a slice of pizza that one of my children had purchased. I was back at Helen’s side at 7:00 and the last visitors reached the coffin at 10:30. Many people stood in line for over three hours. Approximately 600 people came to the funeral home to honour Helen and to support me and my family.
One of the most touching parts of the day was the young people who came with tears in their eyes, to tell me of the influence Helen had on them as their teacher. About 70 former students visited Friday. The other thing that I had a hard time comprehending was the distance people drove to be with us. Excluding family members, there were friends from Ohio, Michigan, Quebec, and some a considerable distance from Wingham, Wawa, Toronto, Ottawa, Waterloo and Windsor. One couple spent all day Friday driving from Georgetown KY to be with us.
Helen’s funeral was lovely, and touched people in attendance. I was so proud of our children – our “original four” as they spoke words of tribute to their mother, and our chosen daughters as they supported their husbands. Helen made a phenomenal investment in her children, putting aside her teaching career for 18 years to raise them. Financial people talk about return on investment, and Saturday I was reaping the return on Helen’s investment. Our children have cared for us for the past many years, and stood strong with me by their mother as she battled this disease.
At the funeral, we listened to a couple of songs recorded a few years back – one a duet of Helen and I singing “It is well with my soul,” one of a solo by Helen and one of a college chorale in which both Helen and I sang. In attendance at her funeral were 6 or 7 members of that same choir. As I listened to Helen’s beautiful contralto voice sing “why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come … when Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He … His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me” I felt strangely at peace as I thought that voice will never be silenced, and now sounds even better than Helen did in person.
I want to thank Pastor Gord Reynolds for his care in the past week, and for his role in celebrating Helen’s “graduation.” I thank my brother Dan, for reading on my behalf, the eulogy I had written, and for his words of comfort at the graveside committal service. Thank you Marjorie Hall for your loving hands on the piano, and thank you to the ladies of Gregory Drive Alliance Church for the reception you provided after the funeral.
To Rob McKinlay, and his staff at McKinlay Funeral Home, thank you for your courteous and professional help provided in such a compassionate manner. I entrusted to you the care for my mother and my father in years past, and now Helen.
To my family members including my extended family linked through my chosen daughters, who travelled here from British Columbia, Minnesota, Florida, Texas and Woodstock, thank you for making the circle complete. To my many cousins who stood with me, and who I know will be there for me in the days and weeks ahead, thank you.
And to all of you who came, to the funeral home or the church, or both to pay tribute to Helen, thank you.
To the residents of Chatham-Kent, drivers of the 100+ vehicles that pulled to a stop out of respect as we made the procession from Chatham to Union Cemetery in Pardoville, thank you. Our family and friends from the USA asked me if there was an unusual traffic law in Canada that required vehicles to stop. As I explained that this was not a requirement, but a respectful, local tradition, I was proud to be a resident of Chatham-Kent.
One final touch was a large flock of geese, which flew over as we reached the cemetery. Helen loved watching the Canada geese, and Tundra swans fly over on their migratory journeys. Often when she would hear their honking, she would run out of the house for a better look, and never failed to be excited by their passage. As we reached the cemetery, Pastor Gord pointed out the fact that the geese looked like an air force fly over.
There are many benedictions in the Bible, but Helen’s favourite was Jude 24-25.
“To Him who is able to keep you from falling, and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only wise God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore ! Amen.”
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
This is Helen's husband David. This will be the final update to this two year description of a woman of faith, a fighter, a woman who loved her family fiercely, and a woman to whom the love of an incredibly close knit family was returned.
Helen passed peacefully into the presence of our Lord and Maker Saturday evening, October 16, at about 10:00 PM She had had a very "normal" day, a long soak in the evening in our Jacuzzi, and then went to bed about 9:00 PM. At a few minutes to 10:00 as I made my way upstairs, she called out to me. She was in her bathroom coughing, and was spitting up a little bit of blood. Since she was only in her nightgown, I asked her to sit with me on the bed and tell me how she wanted to be dressed for the trip to the ER - just a housecoat and slippers, or what. She walked out of the bathroom, turned and sat down along side of me. Since coughing often gave her a muscle pain in the middle of her back, I began to rub her back as I talked.
I immediately became conscious of her pushing against my hand, and she slowly lay down on her bed. As soon as I saw her face I knew she was gone, but performed CPR to the best of my ability after calling 911, while waiting for the EMTs. When they arrived in about 10 minutes, all of their tests only certified what I already knew. She was already "arrayed in a white robe" slipping into the alto section of the choirs of Heaven, radiant in the face of her Saviour. She and I both had strong apprehensions about "the end" based on experiences of friends and loved ones. That her passing was virtually instantaneous, and painless, was a gift from God.
Also a gift from God were the months we shared together since her diagnosis in July of 2008. We had time to make all arrangements for both of our funerals, and put all of our legal and insurance affairs in order, together. We had 28 months to laugh and love together, to make some trips including Texas several time to see our grandchildren (and their parents !), we were able to welcome into our family a third grandchild, to see our two younger sons married to wonderful young women, and time just to sit and hold hands on the couch. God was so gracious to us.
As we made this journey together, we discovered that there are a multitude of angels in our midst, disguised in the garb of doctors, nurses, and volunteers in the Windsor Regional Cancer Centre (WRCC), and the Chatham-Kent Health Alliance (CKHA). I am afraid to name people for fear of missing someone, but I would like to thank foremost, Dr. Caroline Hamm of the WRCC. Dr. Hamm is a fighter, and together with Helen was not prepared to ever back down in the face of this monster, cancer. She was always confident, professional, and exuded a sense of determination, from which Helen and I drew great strength. I would also like to thank Dr. Khalid Hirmiz (WRCC) for his courage and skill with radiation, and his tenacity in destroying or shrinking tumours in Helen’s lungs, enabling her to breath easier. To Krista Naccarato (WRCC) who guided us, literally and figuratively, in the early days of treatment, through a clinical trial, we always were where we had to be, when, thanks to Krista.
In Chatham, I want to thank Dr. David Sullivan, for his bonhomie as he made his daily visits to the chemo suite, for his gentle but practical care, ensuring that treatments were tolerable, and that Helen had no pain, and could rest at night.
In both Windsor and Chatham, the nurses in the actual chemo suites were comforting and caring combined with their professionalism. They had many “little touches” like Karen in Chatham, who every day brought in a box of her mother’s homemade cookies. I would like to thank Chatham nurses Cheryl Jarescni, Karen Kennedy, Jackie Opavsky, Dianne Jackson, and Colleen Janssens. I am sorry that I do not know the names of the Windsor nurses, as I spent most of my time there in the waiting room. However, Helen was quite outspoken about their care, compassion and skill. Not to be outdone were the volunteers in both locations, like Ben in Windsor, who always kept the waiting rooms flowing with Tim Horton’s coffee and cookies, and who spent hours talking with me and encouraging me when not busy with his tasks.
When Helen was part of a clinical trial in Dallas TX, she received the same compassionate and attentive care from Dr. John Neumanitis and Cindi Bedell at the Mary Crowley Cancer Clinic, as she receive from all other medical professionals. Thanks, y’all !
I also want to thank our caring and helping neighbours, Chuck & Gail Scott, Don & Penney McLellen, and Robert & Beth Stewart. Chuck or Gail would magically show up at the front door with a delicious meal every couple of weeks, while Don and his son James must have real vision problems, because since this spring, when either of them was cutting their front lawn, they would somehow wander off course, and cut our 18,000 square foot lawn. Robert owns what looks like the biggest John Deere in the county, and when snow would clog our 180 foot driveway, he would be there without asking, to make sure we had access to the road. He has cleared our drive in this fashion faithfully since about 1978. Angels hidden amongst us don't just play harps.
Helen was a woman of tenacious faith, a loving partner, a dedicated mother, a wonderful musician, and a committed and outgoing teacher. She touched lives through her personality, her music, her “grand piano smile,” her infectious laugh, and her genuine interest in the well being of other people. She treasured her children, including our “chosen daughters,” chosen for us by our sons. She reveled in her grandchildren, delighted to see them growing and maturing, whether in person or through frequent “Skype” sessions.
She was a soul mate, companion, lover, and friend to me for over 45 years, 43 of which as my bride. I was incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments. She was more than my “better half,” she was my strength, my joy, my “pull me back down to earth dose of realism” person, my comfort in sickness, pain and times of sadness, but also my high-kickin’ partner in times of great joy. I will miss her deeply. It was my delightful privilege to be her husband and friend for 43+ years!
She had so many circles of friends from whom she drew support, and I cannot name them all. However I must mention her "Winston Posse" a group of teachers and retired teachers all of whom taught at Winston Churchill Public School in Chatham at one point in their career. I think this group has been together for 12 or 13 years, publishing a yearly itinerary, which included something for each month ranging from dinners at fine restarants to female retail therapy at a mall in Michigan at least one a year. This spring, when it was obvious that Helen could not plant the beautiful flower gardens that she loved, "garden elves" materialized from this group and friends from our church, and voila! Beautiful gardens as usual.
Finally, I need to thank all of the prayer warriors who upheld her daily. I lost track of the number of the various prayer chains in a multitude of churches who blanketed her in prayer, but I know on any given day there were probably over 1000 people who remembered her. We received great support from our church family here in Chatham, and want to thank Pastor Gord, his wife Pat and all of the multitude of people at Gregory Drive Alliance Church. I also want to thank a dedicated group of believers known as “The Encouragers Class” at Dublin Baptist Church in Dublin Ohio. It was our joy to worship at that church during the time I lived and worked in Dublin, and even though it has been almost 9 years since I left Ohio to retire back in my home town, that group has stayed in touch, sent cards, letters and e-mails constantly. DBC pastor Daryl Gabbard has remained in touch with us and on several occasions has called to encourage us and have prayer with us on the telephone.
For Helen’s sister Carol, my brother Dan and his wife Leona, and my sister Barbara and her husband Cliff, I thank you for the years of sharing, trips together, laughter and bad jokes. In the melding of multiple families, I think we were the cream of the crop.
Helen’s funeral will be on Saturday, October 23, 2010, at the Gregory Drive Alliance Church in Chatham, Ontario, at 11:00 in the morning. Friends and family are invited to come and share memories on Friday, October 22, 2010, at 3:00 to 5:00 in the afternoon, and 7:00 to 9:00 in the evening at the McKinlay Funeral Home at 459 St. Clair Street in Chatham.
Should you wish to make a tribute to Helen, I would ask that instead of flowers, that will wither and die in a few days, that you make a donation to the Foundation of the Windsor Regional Cancer Centre, where your tribute will live on and will help people like Dr. Hamm to research and treat this monstrous disease to the benefit of other patients and future generations. Thank you.
I also would like to thank you faithful readers who followed her blog. As we checked the statistics on the blog this morning, since its inception, it has not been unusual to have over 1000 “hits” every month, and numerous comments with each posting.
In closing, I would like to put here a “prayer of faith” that Helen wrote in this middle of her fight with this disease. I think she may have included this in a post earlier, but it bears repeating.
A Prayer of Faith O God ! Have mercy, I pray ! Deliver me from the onslaught of these fears - These dark imaginings, These dreadful possibilities that are only that - Possibilities - NOT facts. They roll over me like the waves of the sea, And fill me with despair. Help me to realize that the voice that whispers them in my mind Is neither mine - nor yours. Help me instead to turn my thoughts to You - To remember Your precious promises Given so often and so clearly in Your Word - To comfort and sustain, To defend and protect, To fight for those who put their trust in You. Help me to go over them, Lord, The ones You have given me, Word by word, Promise by promise, Step by faltering step, Until I reach Your peace - Until I am enfolded by the Comforter - Until I am safe in the light of Your love - And I can truly speak the prayer That never fails - "Thy will be done." Thank you, O Lord, my God, For Your sustaining love and grace. Amen.
HELEN ELIZABETH (MILLER) GOLDSMITH
August 23, 1945 – October 16, 2010
She touched the future... She taught !
Helen passed peacefully into the presence of our Lord and Maker Saturday evening, October 16, at about 10:00 PM She had had a very "normal" day, a long soak in the evening in our Jacuzzi, and then went to bed about 9:00 PM. At a few minutes to 10:00 as I made my way upstairs, she called out to me. She was in her bathroom coughing, and was spitting up a little bit of blood. Since she was only in her nightgown, I asked her to sit with me on the bed and tell me how she wanted to be dressed for the trip to the ER - just a housecoat and slippers, or what. She walked out of the bathroom, turned and sat down along side of me. Since coughing often gave her a muscle pain in the middle of her back, I began to rub her back as I talked.
I immediately became conscious of her pushing against my hand, and she slowly lay down on her bed. As soon as I saw her face I knew she was gone, but performed CPR to the best of my ability after calling 911, while waiting for the EMTs. When they arrived in about 10 minutes, all of their tests only certified what I already knew. She was already "arrayed in a white robe" slipping into the alto section of the choirs of Heaven, radiant in the face of her Saviour. She and I both had strong apprehensions about "the end" based on experiences of friends and loved ones. That her passing was virtually instantaneous, and painless, was a gift from God.
Also a gift from God were the months we shared together since her diagnosis in July of 2008. We had time to make all arrangements for both of our funerals, and put all of our legal and insurance affairs in order, together. We had 28 months to laugh and love together, to make some trips including Texas several time to see our grandchildren (and their parents !), we were able to welcome into our family a third grandchild, to see our two younger sons married to wonderful young women, and time just to sit and hold hands on the couch. God was so gracious to us.
As we made this journey together, we discovered that there are a multitude of angels in our midst, disguised in the garb of doctors, nurses, and volunteers in the Windsor Regional Cancer Centre (WRCC), and the Chatham-Kent Health Alliance (CKHA). I am afraid to name people for fear of missing someone, but I would like to thank foremost, Dr. Caroline Hamm of the WRCC. Dr. Hamm is a fighter, and together with Helen was not prepared to ever back down in the face of this monster, cancer. She was always confident, professional, and exuded a sense of determination, from which Helen and I drew great strength. I would also like to thank Dr. Khalid Hirmiz (WRCC) for his courage and skill with radiation, and his tenacity in destroying or shrinking tumours in Helen’s lungs, enabling her to breath easier. To Krista Naccarato (WRCC) who guided us, literally and figuratively, in the early days of treatment, through a clinical trial, we always were where we had to be, when, thanks to Krista.
In Chatham, I want to thank Dr. David Sullivan, for his bonhomie as he made his daily visits to the chemo suite, for his gentle but practical care, ensuring that treatments were tolerable, and that Helen had no pain, and could rest at night.
In both Windsor and Chatham, the nurses in the actual chemo suites were comforting and caring combined with their professionalism. They had many “little touches” like Karen in Chatham, who every day brought in a box of her mother’s homemade cookies. I would like to thank Chatham nurses Cheryl Jarescni, Karen Kennedy, Jackie Opavsky, Dianne Jackson, and Colleen Janssens. I am sorry that I do not know the names of the Windsor nurses, as I spent most of my time there in the waiting room. However, Helen was quite outspoken about their care, compassion and skill. Not to be outdone were the volunteers in both locations, like Ben in Windsor, who always kept the waiting rooms flowing with Tim Horton’s coffee and cookies, and who spent hours talking with me and encouraging me when not busy with his tasks.
When Helen was part of a clinical trial in Dallas TX, she received the same compassionate and attentive care from Dr. John Neumanitis and Cindi Bedell at the Mary Crowley Cancer Clinic, as she receive from all other medical professionals. Thanks, y’all !
I also want to thank our caring and helping neighbours, Chuck & Gail Scott, Don & Penney McLellen, and Robert & Beth Stewart. Chuck or Gail would magically show up at the front door with a delicious meal every couple of weeks, while Don and his son James must have real vision problems, because since this spring, when either of them was cutting their front lawn, they would somehow wander off course, and cut our 18,000 square foot lawn. Robert owns what looks like the biggest John Deere in the county, and when snow would clog our 180 foot driveway, he would be there without asking, to make sure we had access to the road. He has cleared our drive in this fashion faithfully since about 1978. Angels hidden amongst us don't just play harps.
Helen was a woman of tenacious faith, a loving partner, a dedicated mother, a wonderful musician, and a committed and outgoing teacher. She touched lives through her personality, her music, her “grand piano smile,” her infectious laugh, and her genuine interest in the well being of other people. She treasured her children, including our “chosen daughters,” chosen for us by our sons. She reveled in her grandchildren, delighted to see them growing and maturing, whether in person or through frequent “Skype” sessions.
She was a soul mate, companion, lover, and friend to me for over 45 years, 43 of which as my bride. I was incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments. She was more than my “better half,” she was my strength, my joy, my “pull me back down to earth dose of realism” person, my comfort in sickness, pain and times of sadness, but also my high-kickin’ partner in times of great joy. I will miss her deeply. It was my delightful privilege to be her husband and friend for 43+ years!
She had so many circles of friends from whom she drew support, and I cannot name them all. However I must mention her "Winston Posse" a group of teachers and retired teachers all of whom taught at Winston Churchill Public School in Chatham at one point in their career. I think this group has been together for 12 or 13 years, publishing a yearly itinerary, which included something for each month ranging from dinners at fine restarants to female retail therapy at a mall in Michigan at least one a year. This spring, when it was obvious that Helen could not plant the beautiful flower gardens that she loved, "garden elves" materialized from this group and friends from our church, and voila! Beautiful gardens as usual.
Finally, I need to thank all of the prayer warriors who upheld her daily. I lost track of the number of the various prayer chains in a multitude of churches who blanketed her in prayer, but I know on any given day there were probably over 1000 people who remembered her. We received great support from our church family here in Chatham, and want to thank Pastor Gord, his wife Pat and all of the multitude of people at Gregory Drive Alliance Church. I also want to thank a dedicated group of believers known as “The Encouragers Class” at Dublin Baptist Church in Dublin Ohio. It was our joy to worship at that church during the time I lived and worked in Dublin, and even though it has been almost 9 years since I left Ohio to retire back in my home town, that group has stayed in touch, sent cards, letters and e-mails constantly. DBC pastor Daryl Gabbard has remained in touch with us and on several occasions has called to encourage us and have prayer with us on the telephone.
For Helen’s sister Carol, my brother Dan and his wife Leona, and my sister Barbara and her husband Cliff, I thank you for the years of sharing, trips together, laughter and bad jokes. In the melding of multiple families, I think we were the cream of the crop.
Helen’s funeral will be on Saturday, October 23, 2010, at the Gregory Drive Alliance Church in Chatham, Ontario, at 11:00 in the morning. Friends and family are invited to come and share memories on Friday, October 22, 2010, at 3:00 to 5:00 in the afternoon, and 7:00 to 9:00 in the evening at the McKinlay Funeral Home at 459 St. Clair Street in Chatham.
Should you wish to make a tribute to Helen, I would ask that instead of flowers, that will wither and die in a few days, that you make a donation to the Foundation of the Windsor Regional Cancer Centre, where your tribute will live on and will help people like Dr. Hamm to research and treat this monstrous disease to the benefit of other patients and future generations. Thank you.
I also would like to thank you faithful readers who followed her blog. As we checked the statistics on the blog this morning, since its inception, it has not been unusual to have over 1000 “hits” every month, and numerous comments with each posting.
In closing, I would like to put here a “prayer of faith” that Helen wrote in this middle of her fight with this disease. I think she may have included this in a post earlier, but it bears repeating.
A Prayer of Faith O God ! Have mercy, I pray ! Deliver me from the onslaught of these fears - These dark imaginings, These dreadful possibilities that are only that - Possibilities - NOT facts. They roll over me like the waves of the sea, And fill me with despair. Help me to realize that the voice that whispers them in my mind Is neither mine - nor yours. Help me instead to turn my thoughts to You - To remember Your precious promises Given so often and so clearly in Your Word - To comfort and sustain, To defend and protect, To fight for those who put their trust in You. Help me to go over them, Lord, The ones You have given me, Word by word, Promise by promise, Step by faltering step, Until I reach Your peace - Until I am enfolded by the Comforter - Until I am safe in the light of Your love - And I can truly speak the prayer That never fails - "Thy will be done." Thank you, O Lord, my God, For Your sustaining love and grace. Amen.
HELEN ELIZABETH (MILLER) GOLDSMITH
August 23, 1945 – October 16, 2010
She touched the future... She taught !
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Update - October 7, 2010
Good morning, one and all ! Good news to report !
I had my monthly visit yesterday with my oncologist in Windsor and she gave me good news. There is no evidence of progression of the cancer, there is nothing going on in my liver (there was some question of that in September and I was braced yesterday to be told it had spread there) and she is going to make arrangements for me to have a permanent drain inserted to get the fluid off my lung to help my breathing. She said I might even be able to get off the oxygen, which would be amazing. (Nurses would come to the house to take the fluid off on some schedule – it wouldn’t be leaking all the time or anything like that.) So David and I were a happy pair when we left the building ! To top if off, we were only there 1.5 hours ! We are very thankful for my continued good health, for the medicines that are keeping it that way and for God’s mercy, which underlies the whole thing.
Last week, David had a bone marrow aspiration and tomorrow he will have a CT scan of his head, looking for any blockages that might be causing the dizzy spells and black-outs. There has already been mention made of anemia – news to us. He goes back to the doctor Oct. 13 and we are hoping for answers to the mystery.
We set off on a ‘weekend away’ last Thursday, Sept. 30. Our Texas son, Steve was in Waterloo on business, so we all had supper together that night – Amy, Mike and Lian were all there as well. It was great to see them – had breakfast in St. Jacob’s the next morning, too. Then David and I left to drive to Wiarton on the Bruce Peninsula, where he had a school board regional meeting. It felt like we were driving right to the North Pole, but that just shows you that we are soft southerners. We had a good time – found a nice little café on the main street there which served excellent food (Green Door Café). Then Sunday, we drove 351 km. down Highway 21, along the eastern shore of Lake Huron. It was a lovely drive – the lake is so blue and the leaves are all turning. It was sort of a test case, to see if I could travel that far at a time, and it worked out very well.
We have so much to be thankful for this weekend ! May God bring to your minds and hearts all the blessings that you have experienced as well. Thank you again for your prayers.
I had my monthly visit yesterday with my oncologist in Windsor and she gave me good news. There is no evidence of progression of the cancer, there is nothing going on in my liver (there was some question of that in September and I was braced yesterday to be told it had spread there) and she is going to make arrangements for me to have a permanent drain inserted to get the fluid off my lung to help my breathing. She said I might even be able to get off the oxygen, which would be amazing. (Nurses would come to the house to take the fluid off on some schedule – it wouldn’t be leaking all the time or anything like that.) So David and I were a happy pair when we left the building ! To top if off, we were only there 1.5 hours ! We are very thankful for my continued good health, for the medicines that are keeping it that way and for God’s mercy, which underlies the whole thing.
Last week, David had a bone marrow aspiration and tomorrow he will have a CT scan of his head, looking for any blockages that might be causing the dizzy spells and black-outs. There has already been mention made of anemia – news to us. He goes back to the doctor Oct. 13 and we are hoping for answers to the mystery.
We set off on a ‘weekend away’ last Thursday, Sept. 30. Our Texas son, Steve was in Waterloo on business, so we all had supper together that night – Amy, Mike and Lian were all there as well. It was great to see them – had breakfast in St. Jacob’s the next morning, too. Then David and I left to drive to Wiarton on the Bruce Peninsula, where he had a school board regional meeting. It felt like we were driving right to the North Pole, but that just shows you that we are soft southerners. We had a good time – found a nice little café on the main street there which served excellent food (Green Door Café). Then Sunday, we drove 351 km. down Highway 21, along the eastern shore of Lake Huron. It was a lovely drive – the lake is so blue and the leaves are all turning. It was sort of a test case, to see if I could travel that far at a time, and it worked out very well.
We have so much to be thankful for this weekend ! May God bring to your minds and hearts all the blessings that you have experienced as well. Thank you again for your prayers.
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