It's been an unusual and difficult week; I haven't been able to write about it until today, for several reasons.
On Monday, we went to Windsor to meet my radiologist and start the process for my radiation treatments. In the course of the explanation of what I would be having, the phrase 'high risk of return' was used and it somehow caught both David and I off guard and threw us 'for a loop'. It's not news - we knew I had several factors that weren't good - but I guess that I had been doing so well through the chemo that we had not thought about it for a while. I will have 25 regular radiation treatments, starting Jan. 20 (trial run Jan. 19), followed by 4 booster treatments on my chest wall, because the surgeon was only able to get a clear margin of 2 mm. instead of 2 cm. So that was one of the upsetting details to think about again this week. (I should be finished about the end of February.)
Then, I was just really affected by the chemo this time and spent a good deal of the week horizontal, on the couch or on my bed. It hasn't hit me like this since the first time in September. My fingers are numb/tingly on all the last joints - hard to put in my earrings or do up buttons - and my toes are too tender to wear my boots. I hobble slowly, like a little old lady. Small things, I agree, when compared to what else I might be dealing with, but discouraging and also upsetting this week. I'm not a good 'sick person'. Last evening and today I am finally feeling more energetic and less sore and my taste buds are coming back to normal - so I am happier and feeling more positive.
So - I had to choose again to have faith in the promises I feel God gave me at the beginning of all of this, that I would survive due to His care and the care of others, and look away from the pit at my feet to the light at the end of this journey - and practise saying again, "Thy will be done in my life/on earth, as it is in Heaven." It took a couple of days to get there, which is why I couldn't write earlier. But here I stand - thanks again for your prayers.
"Even when walking through the dark valley (shadowed by) death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way." Psalm 23.4
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4 comments:
Hi Helen:
So sorry to hear about your week. I guess we all thought you were doing so well that you would not have these kind of days. Hope now that you are feeling a little better things will keep going in that direction. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day and if I can do anything please let me know.
Gail
Hello Mme. Goldsmith,
I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about your week and how you've being affected by the last trip.
I do hope things get better, as i can see things are starting to look up, i thank god about 3 times everytime i read one of your entries, for keeping you safe, and as healthy as possible.
Love and prayers to you and your family once again.
From my family to yours,
Amanda Deseure
Aunt Helen, sorry to hear about your last visit. I pray that you will sense God's presence during these days. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Daniel Keith
Hi Aunt Helen
So sorry to hear about your rough week a week ago. We're glad your feeling a bit better. We feel for you on those rough days. You'll be in our thoughts and prayers this week!
Lots of love
John, Sharilyn, Josh, Austin and Quint
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