Update - May 5, 2010

It's Cinqo de Mayo, for those of you who have Mexican connections !
(Mexican Independence Day)

I left you in a big funk last week but I am able to tell you that the clouds have cleared somewhat and I am feeling a little more positive. A few sunny days and some time thinking over all the blessings that have already come to me and I am less upset. So much of this is opinion, not fact - nobody but God knows what will happen and when. The radiologist is quite hopeful that he can have an effect on the big tumour - stabilize it or even shrink it, which would be fantastic. There are other smaller 'spots' on both lungs and that's where the next chemo will come in. My greatest prayer is that they will respond to it; the last two chemos have had no effect.

I am still on oxygen; our living room looks like a welder's supply. I can have up to 6 tanks of compressed oxygen there - using at least one every day to go to Windsor - and then there is the condenser, humming away at the foot of the stairs. I get that 50' hose tangled up a different way every day ! But it does make it easier to breathe.

I have had 3/5 radiation treatments - last two on Thursday and Friday of this week. Then I have follow-up appointments the week of June 21 (x-ray) and July 5 (to see what the effects of the radiation have been.) Monday, May 10th, I see my oncologist again for what I hope will be a discussion about the chemo. I have to have another chest x-ray that morning before that appointment - getting to be a weekly occurence. My rib cage will be glowing in the dark before long...

Mike and Lian are here this week; Amy went home for a few days but returned last night. Steve and my sister are arriving Friday and Pete and Jocelyn are going to be here Sat. and Sun. Everyone leaves Sunday evening or Monday morning except Amy; Mike and Lian return the next weekend for two weeks. So David and I are well looked after ! I cook my breakfast some mornings, but that's it. I haven't worried about lunch or dinner for weeks. Feels pretty good ! Some people live like that all the time !

There's a verse that struck my attention in July 2008, when I was first diagnosed. It keeps showing up - arrived in a card this week again. I'm trying so hard to keep it in mind and keep out of the 'pit of despair'. "I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:13 I have no idea how many times He has reached into my life and helped me in ways I don't realize in the last 22 months; I can recognize some of them and I need to remember them and be comforted, instead of childishly crying, "But what are You doing NOW?" He will work in His own time and His own way for what is best for me. Of course, some of the biggest blessings and help is the time the kids are prepared to spend with us and support us - every time I had to go to Dallas, I knew Steve and Kristen were waiting at the other end; Mike and Lian come here and cook wonderful meals, clean and keep us company, as does Amy; Pete calls regularly, as he travels on a two-week cycle between Brazil and Seattle. Medicine and supplements appear, tasty treats 'Mom likes', - David and I are just basking in all this love, and what greater blessing is there than that? Sometimes you miss what is right in front of you.

So - is that better ??? Thanks to all of you who prayed that I'd get my wheels under me again, and for the many cards of encouragement and calls that came this past week. It was a pretty black cloud but it's moved away somewhat and today was a good day.